By Odienator
It's a cliché to say one's mother is a saint. It's also expected of any son. But would a beatified candidate have the following exchange with her kid:
Odie, age 15 (whining): But I thought you said I could go to the party!
Mom: Well, you thought like Old Lady Anna. She thought a dick was a banana!
A saint? Methinks not. "How the hell could I be a saint?" she would ask. "We're Baptists!"
My Mom is a larger than life character crafted with one part June Cleaver, two parts Mahalia Jackson, three parts Oprah, and four parts Dorothy Parker. As the primary disciplinarian of five children, she is also eight parts Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. 
My Mom could threaten with words of such forceful violence that the MPAA would rate her NC-17. "Boy," she would begin, "I will kick your ass so hard your great-grandchildren will be born with footprints!" It wasn't hyperbole either. That aforementioned party? I went to it anyway. When I got home at 3 AM, my mother was standing in the doorway, illuminated by light like John Wayne at the end of The Searchers—an appropriate image as she loved Westerns. Except instead of holding her arm like Wayne, she was holding a belt. "I hope it was good," is the last thing I remember her saying.
The occasional (and always deserved) ass-whipping was not all she dispensed. No one I knew could deliver common sense with a blunt honesty that ensured the lesson would be learned and never forgotten. In our house, The Awful Truth was more than a Leo McCarey movie. Sometimes I would say "well, you didn't have to say it like that!" To which she would reply, "well, that's too bad. I did."
Through Mom, I was introduced to two things I love dearly: life and movies. I was born after a movie, in fact, which only serves to highlight her uncanny knack for consolidation. Through countless hours of movie watching on TV she introduced me to her favorites:
Barbara Stanwyck, Bette Davis, Sidney Poitier, Abbott and Costello and Cicely Tyson. She had an opinion about every movie, and held unreasonable grudges against actors for roles they played. Her tastes ran from 40's women's pictures to horror movies too gory even for my cast iron stomach. And even though she liked the worst movie I have ever seen, I can still list her as the primary source of my love for movie knowledge. I love noir and screwball comedies because the dames were smart, tough and clever with words. Just like my Mom.
So, to honor her, and mothers everywhere, today's Five for the Day salutes movie motherhood of all stripes, shapes and species. The sayings that precede each entry are Momisms courtesy of the person who brought you the Odienator.
1. "I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass!"
Mommie Dearest (1981)- "Don't tell what Mildred Pierce did!" advised the ads for Joan Crawford's Oscar winning Michael Curtiz movie. Now we know why! Years before the facelifts that turned her into Katherine Helmond in Brazil, Faye Dunaway took method acting to its expected extreme. Her Joan Crawford is so intense that I expected Faye to jump off the screen and come after me in the audience, throwing wire hangers and shoulder pads like ninja stars. She is, simultaneously, hilariously brilliant and horrifyingly bad, a feat later accomplished by Morgan Freeman in Lean On Me. So over the top is Dunaway that the makers of Dearest tried packaging the movie as the first child abuse comedy in cinematic history. Crawford comes off as the world's worst mother AND gardener ("BRING ME THE AXE!!!!" screams Faye before performing a Friday the 13th on her garden). Her face cleansing ritual in the film should have been used by John Woo in Face/Off. I love this movie if only for Faye's classic line to the Pepsi board of directors, a line my mother could have used on any of her four sons: "Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."
2. "You're going to hell with your eyes wide open!"
Rosemary's Baby (1968)- Or, why Odie's Mom hates Charles Grodin. When she wasn't threatening to make my ass do something unnatural like shitting blue ink, Mom would threaten me with eternal damnation. Who better to hasten the apocalypse and my overheated eternity than Mia Farrow? Sartre said "Hell is other people," and said other people are devil-worshipping neighbors in the Dakota Apartments where Farrow and her husband (John Cassavettes) live. Unbeknownst to her, Cassavettes whores his wife to Old Scratch in exchange for the financing for Faces. Farrow looks appropriately sick (and scalped by Vidal Sassoon) as her satanic pregnancy progresses. Farrow's Rosemary senses something is wrong, and comes off far more intelligently than any other horror movie heroine. Behind Swanson in Sunset Boulevard and Davis in All About Eve, this is my favorite performance by an actress.
The infuriating last scene of this film, in addition to terrifying me beyond belief as a kid ("What have you done to his eyes, you maniacs?" "He has his father's eyes..."), is the source of an ongoing argument you might be able to settle. Is that true motherly love in Farrow's eyes, or is she contemplating her next move? And when I go to Hell, I'm closing my eyes just to be spiteful.
3. "You can do anything if you set your mind to it."
Hoop Dreams (1994)- Hoop Dreams is a movie that proves truth is stranger, and more fascinating, than fiction. This riveting documentary would have been far too clichéd as fiction, but as a document of the lives of two inner-city kids, it is nothing short of awe-inspiring. I knew these people. I grew up in a neighborhood not unlike theirs. Perhaps that is why I was so affected. What puts it on this list is the scene where Arthur Agee's mom gets her nursing assistant certificate. Considering what the film shows her family going though, the scene plays like an oasis in a desert of hard times. Watching Mrs. Agee react to her accomplishment moved me so much I had to leave the theater, fumbling for the exit door while blinded by tears. When I returned with a roll of toilet paper I stole from the ladies' room (I told you I couldn't see where I was going!), three other people in my row bummed a piece from me.
4. "Mommy will kiss it and make it all better."
Men Don't Leave (1990)- Before Jessica Lange went bonkers and took the maternal role of Psycho Blanche Dubois in Hush, she played the mother of Chris O'Donnell and Charlie Korsmo in this fine update of a 40's women's picture. Here's a tearjerker that earns the tears it jerks from you honestly. The aspects of the plot I'll leave for you to discover, but suffice it to say that Lange's mother character is far from perfect. She makes mistakes, is overly cautious and, at one point in the film, needs to be shaken up by one of Joan Cusack's patently quirky weirdoes. But late in the film, she provides the kind of comfort only a mother can offer a child. Her youngest son has run away, and when she finds him, Korsmo and Lange play a scene that, in lesser hands, would have been a disaster. It reminded me of the day when I learned that, contrary to my childhood beliefs, my mother couldn't fix everything. Life was easier—and richer—when a mother's kiss could salvage your boo-boos and save the world.
5. "I'll protect 
you from the GromperGronk."
Aliens (1986)- The GromperGronk was this monster that lived under my bed. When the lights went out, the GromperGronk would reach his hairy arms and clawed hands from under the bed...and tickle my feet. Only I could have a monster with a foot fetish, but trust me, it was some scary shit when I was 4. As a result, I am not ticklish anywhere—and I sleep on a platform bed. Newt, the little girl in Aliens, has a slightly bigger problem with her monster. It wants to kill her ass. But Newt's surrogate Mom, Lt. Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) shows up in the nick of time! "Get away from her YOU BITCH!" screams Ripley, and the alien, a mother herself, turns to face Ripley in a colossal battle of Moms. Of course, we want Ripley to win, but on the same token, we can identify with the alien's own maternal instinct toward the eggs Ripley wants to destroy. The interspecies catfight that follows shows the toughness of any Mom who senses her child is in danger. Even though her line is great, I wished that Ripley would have accosted the alien with one of my Mom's sayings: "I'm going to dance the huck-a-buck in your ass!"
That scene in Hoop Dreams has to be my favorite for the reasons you describe. I often forget how much Hoop Dreams inspired my interest in documentary (and in the cinema in general), but the film blew me away, in large part because it pushed me to think about race, poverty, and sports in new ways.
“When she wasn’t threatening to make my ass do something unnatural like shitting blue ink…â€
Well, we know she wasn’t greedy – and a good thing, too – or she would’ve demanded a golden egg!
What a great post, Odienator!
My list.
I Remember Mama– mainly because I watched this with mom once, and the sentimentality exasperated her and me both.
World According Garp – to be honest, I remember her more from the book – an impressive woman.
White Heat – she loved her boy. Wasn’t abusive like Mommie Dearest, but the product was arguably worse. Top of the world, ma!
Psycho – someone had to say it….didn’t they Mother?
The Sons of Katie Elder – she wasn’t around …but the hell she wasn’t! Took some real pioneer stock to raise that bunch.
The first movie moms that spring to my mind are:
1. Angela Lansbury as Mrs. Iselin in The Manchurian Candidate. A mother who truly wants the best for her son — even if it means selling out to the communists.
2. Leopoldine Konstantin as Madame Anna Sebastian in Notorious. Has there ever been a more frightening pose than watching her sit up in bed and lighting a cigarette?
3. Shirley MacLaine and Debra Winger as Aurora and Emma in Terms of Endearment. (You really can't cite one without the other — so I'm including them as a unit)
4. Tilda Swinton as Margaret Hall in The Deep End. A mother who will cover up a murder than her son didn't even commit — that's love.
5. Meryl Streep as Sophie in Sophie's Choice, making the most unbearable decision a mother could ever make.
1. Vera Drake: a heartbreaking non-polemic about the bonds and stresses of a family.
2. Dead Alive: Peter Jackson takes Hitchcock's Mother and kicks it up a notch, literally returning its hero to the womb.
3. Goodfellas: costarring Catherine Scorsese. One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy's saying whatta you want from me?
4. The Brood: Samantha Eggar as one of the less PC horror villains in recent decades.
5. The Deep End The movie itself was kind of routine, but I loved Tilda Swinton as the mother out to save her child at any cost.
That was an awesome post, Odie. It must be some sign of strength that your mother's personality comes leaping off my computer screen with such a powerful force. You raised the bar pretty high with that one, so I'll just try to scoot under it real quick.
MILDRED PIERCE- I confess, I haven't seen Mommie Dearest, but I have seen this one. A great Crawford mother role. A great movie all around.
THE RIVER WILD- Meryl Streep as action hero mom.
ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE- Alice juggles responsibilities and her singing dreams, and still finds some time for a new man.
MAMMA ROMA- Anna Magnani as one of the biggest, baddest, mommiest moms of them all. Very Italian, but Magnani is so earthy that she could be from Willendorf.
MR. MOM- I always had a soft spot for this one. Kind of TVish, but it's funny and holds up good. I still watch it with my woobie.
"I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass."
OK: this is driving me crazy (short trip, I know). Where's it from?
Jeffrey: Well, we know she wasn’t greedy – and a good thing, too – or she would’ve demanded a golden egg!
Please don't give this woman any ideas!
I'm glad you cited White Heat. My favorite Cagney moment is in there, and it's not the ending. I love how Cagney just loses it, with no regard for his persona or his image, when they tell him his Mom died.
EC: Great choices, especially Murder, She Wrote's weekly killer, Angela Lansbury. MC is my 3rd favorite movie of all time, and she is one monster of a Mom. Her "how did we get this past the censor" kiss of Laurence Harvey took motherly love waaaay too far.
Jeff: My Mom actually saw Dead/Alive! I remember disliking the film intensely, except for the cinematography, which is great, and the scene you cite, which was appropriately sick.
Wagstaff: ALICE was a potential choice for me, but I kept thinking of the TV show whenever I considered writing about it. "Mel, Kiss my grits!" Mr. Mom was actually on my ten bests list that year, so great choice there (even though it carelessly plays into male stereotypes!
)
I'm still waiting for someone to mention a certain Movie Mom I left off the list purposely. Let's see if she comes up anytime soon. Winner gets a free visit from the GromperGronk.
Odienator, are you thinking of the mother in the first Friday the 13th?
Your mother sounds awesome. Wonderful writing you've done about her.
There is a long list of Hitchcock mothers, but it's funny that as much as I've read about Hitchcock, I can't remember anything specific about his real mother.
And now, with my eyes on the prize, I go for the Grompergronk visit. I didn't say Mamma Rose from Gypsy, because so many people prefer stage versions. Also Ed Copeland might slap me around a little.
Maybe Ma Joad from Grapes of Wrath.
No, I hear tell Odienator is a Douglas Sirk fan, so I'll guess Imitation of Life, with Lana Turner as Lora Meredith. Well? Mr.GromperGronk, tonight at midnight. My feet will be ready.
Wait a minute, maybe that should be Juanita Moore as Annie Johnson from the same movie. Hers is the greater sacrifice and tragedy. Okay, that's my final answer.
Flickhead, I don't know any movie where that line was used, and if it were, the writer is going to be shitting blue ink for sure…
Tuwa: Great guess! I actually forgot about Mrs. Voorhees! She lost her head over her son! That's motherly love.
Wagstaff: Wait a minute, maybe that should be Juanita Moore as Annie Johnson from the same movie. Hers is the greater sacrifice and tragedy. Okay, that's my final answer.
Yes, that's the mother I was waiting to hear!
Wagstaff: Well? Mr.GromperGronk, tonight at midnight. My feet will be ready.
That's between you and Mr. G.! He'll enjoy being called back into service–and not having my mother to interrupt him.
Speaking of movie moms, what about Bambi's Mom? Traumatizing kids for generations!
Well, my mother introduced me to film also, but with waaaaaay less flair.
The first mother not already listed who popped into my head was Ma Powers in The Public Enemy. I saw that film when I was pretty young, and that ending . . . . When her son is delivered back to her–someone knocks on the door, she opens it to find Tom wrapped up like a mummy, while the music box in the parlor is sweetingly playing "I'm forever blowing blubbles"–made quite an impression. My heart was broken for her. Still one of the most shocking endings in film.
Quick list of other moms who have not had an easy time of it: Lee Remick as Damien's mom; Bambi's mom; Lon Chaney Jr's mom who was a singer in Man of a Thousand Faces (drinking bleach out of despair).
Quick list of film mom's I like: Cher in Mask; Elizabeth Taylor in Giant; Sally Field in Forrest Gump.
Odienator: After tireless research, it dawned on me that "I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass" was not heard and memorized by me from a film, but on the Public Enemy cd, "Yo! Bum Rush the Show!"
Thank goodness that's been solved…
Flickhead: After tireless research, it dawned on me that "I'll stomp a mudhole in your ass" was not heard and memorized by me from a film, but on the Public Enemy cd, "Yo! Bum Rush the Show!"
Considering that I'm a hell of a lot older than Public Enemy albums, I know my Mom didn't get it from there.
I called her to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, and I asked her where she got the saying. She told me that my grandfather used to say it all the time. So, I'm chalking it up to one of those Southern Black sayings that got passed down from generation to generation. It would explain where PE got it as well.
Speaking of Public Enemy, great choice, m.a. peel on Cagney's Mum. What is it about this guy and his movie mothers?
I made a list of noteworthy movie moms last year, and in doing so, I noticed that many of the great movie moms are largely terrible people. TV's got some great "good" moms, but the movies know exactly how to dish up nasty mommies.
One of my "great" bad movie moms was in Odie's Five – woo-hoo! – the Alien Queen (which, by the way, should extend to the weirdness of ALIEN:RES).
Here's another five:
1. Mrs. Robinson – THE GRADUATE
2. Beverly Sutphin – SERIAL MOM
3. Mom – DOCTOR DETROIT
4. Beth Jarret – ORDINARY PEOPLE
5. Stifler's Mom – AMERICAN PIE
I'll return with a list of five good moms later on, which will likely be a more thoughtful commentary.
My choice for some not-so-evil Moms:
1. Dumbo's mom, Mrs. Jumbo- Willing to go to elephant jail to protect her little "Baby Mine."
2. Holly Hunter's "Ed" from Raising Arizona-Wanted to be a mother so much that she stole an "extra" child, and loved him enough to take him back.
3. With Six You Get Eggroll- Doris Day: Loving mother, hot package.
4. ElastaGirl, aka-Mrs. Incredible, from The Incredibles: Stretched to the limits holding her family together while deftly saving the world.
5. And "Steel Magnolias", the mother of all motherhood tear-jerkers since Terms of Endearment: Sally Fields plays a mother willing to give her own kidney to her ailing daughter, (Julia Roberts' dying "Shelby",a woman who risks her own life to become a mother herself), tragicly to no avail.
By the way Odie, what movie were you referring to when you mentioned the movie you hated but your mother liked?
Duffy: By the way Odie, what movie were you referring to when you mentioned the movie you hated but your mother liked?
I'm ashamed to admit this, but my mother liked Barry Levinson's Toys. No matter. Every precious gem has a little flaw or two. That's what makes 'em precious.
The promised "great" movie moms, which is really what this is all about anyway…
1. Kate Gulden – ONE TRUE THING. SOPHIE'S CHOICE was previously mentioned, but I gotta give huge props to Streep's performance in OTT. The film, I believe, would fall apart if any of the three leads had failed to convince, but Meryl's performance is arguably the glue holding the entire thing together. Heartbreaking and beautiful, strong and all-knowing – Kate is the mother many of us have, but often fail to appreciate.
2. Dorothy Vallens – BLUE VELVET. What Isabella goes through in BV in order to keep her son alive should have won her some kind of "Mother of the Decade" award.
3. Ellen Griswold – the VACATION movies. Deserves recognition just for her dedication to the series over the years. It cannot be a simple task to pretend to love Chevy Chase over and over, without ever even having the same kids for reference points.
4. Paula McFadden – THE GOODBYE GIRL. Marsha Mason rocks in this movie (in much the same way Burstyn did in ALICE, which was already mentioned.)
5. Diane Keaton – Just because she's played movie moms so many damn times…and yet she's never actually given birth.
Re: Diane Keaton -
Now that's acting. Didn't she have a birth scene in Father of the Bride?
Thanks to duffy, I had to add With Six You Get Eggroll to my Netflix.
Beautiful writing, as usual, Odie.
Tough for me to relate, as my mother is a Catholic saint… no, seriously – I even found myself going to Mass on Mother's Day. (What a relief to discover that the Holy Water did not, in fact, burn my skin.)
But you seem to be forgetting my personal favorite Movie Mom of all time – Ruth Gordon in WHERE'S POPPA?
Whether she's biting George Segal on the ass or ranting about "his little winkie" this lady was a hellion! I'll never forget the night my college buddies and I stumbled upon this film and were forever changed. How the fuck did they ever get away with this?
Few scenes have stuck in my head like the one wherein Ron Liebman "accidentally" rapes an undercover (male) police officer disguised as a hooker in Central Park – and George Segal answers the bail call with a weary: "Who did you rape? Whhhyyy?"
Also, though it might be blasphemous to say so around Odie – I thought Meryl Streep did a bang-up job in THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. Nobody can chomp on an ice cube quite like that mean lady.
And as long as were talking mothers, let's hear it for the greatest in recent pop culture history. Two words: "Poor you!"
That's right, Livia Soprano.
Nice to give Beverly D'Angelo her props for pretending to like Clark Griswold (extra props for her shower scene in the first Vacation). Though I cop to liking Christmas Vacation, the rest of those movies are ones only a mother could love.
My favorite Diane Keaton as Mommy role is in Baby Boom. It's the perfect marriage of her neurotic and motherly personas. It's one of her best performances, and until The 40-Year old Virgin, has the funniest character in a montage sequence. This woman shows up as a potential babysitter and says something like "I speak only when spoken to…I do not need a bed, I prefer to sleep on the floor." I don't know why I laughed so hard, but I did.
Ross: The film, I believe, would fall apart if any of the three leads had failed to convince, but Meryl's performance is arguably the glue holding the entire thing together.
I gave One True Thing a marginally favorable review for the exact reason you cited. That's a controversial little review of mine, because I got in a shitload of trouble for what I said about Meryl Streep. (Click on the link above at your peril.) In fact, when Ms. Streep spoke at the Lincoln Center honoring of Christopher Walken, I expected her to leap from behind the podium and pummel me, all while saying my Mom's "I'll beat you til you shit blue ink!" in 57 different accents.
Ross, Marvin's Room has the two Moms you mentioned as sisters. Keaton got the Oscar nod, but Streep got the best lines and more scenery to chew. Never mind that Streep and Keaton look as much alike as Mr. Snuffleupagus and me; it's another Mom movie.
Sean Burns: (What a relief to discover that the Holy Water did not, in fact, burn my skin.)
Ah, that must be that delayed-action Holy Water that the Jesuits invented. Just wait until you do something really sinful! Your skin will burst into flames and rosary beads will rain on your head! Then, disembodied yardsticks will beat your ass until you redeem yourself. Everything you eat will taste like a communion wafer for three months afterwards.
It's true. They taught me this at the Jesuit institution where I got my bachelors degree in Comp Sci.
It's funny how things here at the House Next Door always cycle into each other, Mr. Burns. You mention Livia, which ties into the Sopranos Mondays discussions. I'm surprised no one mentioned her earlier, but then again, we're talking movie Moms. Livia is certainly theatrical enough to have had a movie made about her, though.
If we want a destructive and scary movie mom, how about Anne Ramsey in Throw Momma From The Train? "Owen!! Louis Armstrong is trying to kill me!"
SB:Whether she's biting George Segal on the ass or ranting about "his little winkie" this lady was a hellion!
George Segal said that Ruth Gordon was a tad too ambitious in biting his ass! He said she really went for it. Gordon went from being an Oscar winning devil worshipper to being an ass biter. Talk about organizing your career goals!
Where's Poppa? is nasty! (Nasty and fun.)
Also, thanks for bringing up The Goodbye Girl, another movie my Mom really likes. You made me understand Richard Dreyfus' motivation for playing that fruitier than an orange grove caricature in Wolfgang Petersen's criminally terrible Das Disaster Movie Boot. Dreyfus wants another Oscar, but he forgot to quote Shakespeare in his Waylon Flowers voice! He even says "gorgeous" the same way Barbra Streisand says it in Funny Goil. "Thank you, gorgeous," says Dreyfus to some guy at one point. I wish I had been playing that guy, so I could have responded "you're welcome, you scraggly looking bitch!"