Slant Magazine

Oh wow — Nick Schager doesn't like something!!! What a moron. This guy's whole thing is handing out one and two star reviews and then writing verbose, annoying, quasi-grad student take downs of...well...of almost everything (ok, sometimes he's nice to foreign films. That's deemed ok in his very overt rulebook).

Do I think this movie looks good? No. But this jerk-hole just plain hates movies. Don't believe me? Go read his other reviews. Then google his image and look at his jerky face. He reeks of failure and masturbatory prose.

So louis, basically you chose to attack the critic in a talkback for a negative review of a film you don't think looks good?

Well Cde, yes. The review is lousy. Does that mean the film looks good? No. But I'm betting it deserves more than one star. Or at least to be taken on the terms it's offered on — ie. a big dumb summer tent-pole film, one of the few that is not a sequel or based on very well-established comic book character. In other words, one of the only risky choices in the summer blockbuster category.

Like I said, read his other reviews. Proof is all there.

Ooh, boy, here we go again.

I don't expect anyone to agree with me, but I thought this movie was better than Thor and Green Lantern. A low-bar, I know, but there you have it.

Schager is one of the best film critics writing reviews, second only to Gonzalez, and the review is far from lousy. The film is lousy, yet Louis argues that we should dumb down our expectations of the film because, as he puts-it, "it's a dumb summer tent-pole film" and "risky" given the low criteria for summer movies in general. There's no two ways about it, that's just a stupid sentiment that encourages thoughtlessness over thoughtfulness, and that's not why I come to Slant.

By the way, Schager's review of Bellflower pretty much disproves your theory.

Parker — I have to say after reading some his reviews that there's no question the Nick Schager likes to err on the side of negative (Bellflower excepted). As a movie lover I find that frustrating. There's a few indie films in particular that I liked that he was very snarky about, very cruel to. I don't think Louis is saying the review or our expectations should be dumbed down, but that certain films fulfill certain criteria. Or don't. Like I said, I think "Cowvboys and Aliens" is a two and a half star film and better than some of the other comic book movies this summer. I understand if that makes me unpopular though, because let's face it, it's still not a good movie. But it is better than this review would lead you to believe IMHO. And to be honest I don't think this review was very thoughtful.

Glenn — I think you're right. Personal attacks don't belong here.

The review is a thousand times more thoughtful than the film. I feel like people are getting bent out of shape about the rating, as if it matters more than the words. Even still, you might give it two stars, but you also might like it more than Nick. That's just the way opinions work in general, folks. If he feels like it's a one-star movie, who are we to say he's being dishonest or "incorrect?" I think his review justifies the rating completely.

And if you find that Schager likes to err on the side of negative, I'd argue that's because most movies released these days (indie or otherwise) are pretty lousy. We should hold film, and ourselves, to a higher standard.

Parker — I think you're right that the words matter more than the stars. Though I still don't agree that the review is thoughtful. It's actually pretty easy to tear something apart. It offers no real insight. I I also believe that being overly critical is a great way to miss what's special about a lot of films and isn't holding anyone to a higher standard. It just flatters the vanity and feelings of superiority in the reader.

Rob, those movies aren't exactly current. Superbad? Really? Thanks for the advice though. But all you have to do is read review written in, say, the last year or so and you'll see an overwhelmingly negative smug-fest.

And by the way, I don't mind reviews not liking things. But Nick S. just decides he doesn't like a film and then uses his space to rip it shreds in the most shallow way, without ever engaging with the intricacies or the joy of the movies in question.

This movie was pretty weak for sure, no doubt. Maybe the worst big movie I've seen this summer. But I gotta admit that Louis has a point about Nick's reviews in general, even if she expresses herself like a jerk-off. He does love to hate. It's sort of his thing. Rob, you gotta defend your friend/colleague so good on you. But come on...he's all about tearing film-makers a new asshole.

"If the movie sucks" is the key phrase here.

But go on to metacritic and notice how often Nick Schager's reviews are at the bottom of their scoring. So I was guttersniping, yes, but the man is the ultimate guttersnipe, albeit sanctioned by Slant.

Psssst: Increasing Rob's literacy does not an interesting review make. There's a difference between an intelligent film review and a screed. And Nick would do well to learn that difference or risk furthering his reputation as someone who generally hates movies, with a a few rare exceptions. And I'm not saying "doesn't like"; I'm saying HATES with the kind of vitriolic stupidity you only find in those schizoids and pseudo-intellectual hipster-types.

Just want to say that I'm LOVING this thread. Of course I also love car accidents...

Well, I have seen the movie,and can say I think Schager is right. The movie is bad for all the reasons he states. Instead of using an ounce of imagination or creativity, this movie instead is a very sloppy, boring, and low rent looking exercise. What should have been the most entertaining movie of the summer (for the cast alone!) instead is nothing more than a cheap product. I don't always agree with Schager (do you always agree with critics, even the ones you like? I sure don't.), but reserved judgement until I saw the movie for myself. Maybe you should do the same. Or go to the zoo and talk to the animals. They might find your rants interesting.

Lee — Was that animal thing a joke? Please tell me you weren't trying to be funny. That was a massive cring-worthy fail! You're way out of your league here. You literally might be the least funny person in North America. You know that, right? I feel like people have told you that before.

If it was supposed to be funny, you'd be right.