FILM  MOVIE REVIEW

Uma Thurman as Medusa seeks guidance from her Apple iPhone in Chris Columbus's Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. [Photo: 20th Century Fox] Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief *

by Nick Schager on February 10, 2010   Jump to Comments (6) or Add Your Own

Harry Potter knockoffs don't come more transparent and slapdash than Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, a wannabe-franchise jumpstarter directed by Chris Columbus with the same flat, crane-shot-obsessed aesthetic blandness that he brought to his first two Potter movie adaptations. Aping J.K. Rowling's saga every step of the way to Mount Olympus, the film (based on Rick Riordan's popular kids-lit series) concerns high-schooler Percy (Logan Lerman), who suddenly discovers not only that he's the demigod son of Poseidon (Kevin McKidd), but that he's been accused by Zeus (Sean Bean) of stealing his lightning bolt. Why Zeus suspects Percy rather than the child of any other god is never explained, but such an early, gaping plot hole is in keeping with the subsequent incoherent action.

After being attacked by a harpy (masquerading as a substitute teacher) and a minotaur, Percy is guided to Hogwarts, er, I mean Camp Half-Blood, where a Dumbledore-ish centaur (Pierce Brosnan, looking drowsy) explains the nuts and bolts of humans' relationship to gods. There, already accompanied by a wisecracking best friend named Grover (Brandon T. Jackson), who, it turns out, is actually a goat-boy satyr, Percy also teams up with Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), the fetching warrior daughter of Athena. With his Ron and Hermione stand-ins at his side, Percy embarks on a quest to rescue his mom (Catherine Keener, asked only to appear disheveled) from Hades and uncover the true lightning thief. It's a mission which leads to encounters with Medusa (Uma Thurman) and a hydra that are full of second-rate special effects sound and fury as well as, more gratingly, gargantuan plotting inconsistencies and question marks. Columbus speeds past any and all questions about how any of this mishmash ties together, and yet his hurried, middling stewardship nonetheless results in overwhelming torpor.

By the time the heroic trio reaches the underworld and, in one of many squandered comedic opportunities, Hades turns out to be Steve Coogan dressed as a middle-aged heavy metal roadie, Lightning Thief has, in the grand tradition of Eragon, accomplished nothing except provide detailed fantasy-film plagiarism instructions, one of which is to create an innocuous protagonist with no discernable traits aside from being "heroic." By making his characters teenagers rather than 12 (as in the books) and, consequently, indulging in DOA horndog jokes and a tepid romantic subplot, Columbus presumably hopes to court an aging Potter fanbase. Save for the brief appearance of brimstone-hot Rosario Dawson as Hades's imprisoned lover Persephone, however, there's nothing mature (much less clever and exciting) about this feeble endeavor, right down to the embarrassing-for-all-parties soundtrack use of AC/DC's "Highway to Hell."

  • Director(s): Chris Columbus
  • Screenplay: Craig Titley
  • Cast: Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Jake Abel, Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson, Melina Kanakaredes, Catherine Keener, Kevin McKidd, Joe Pantoliano, Uma Thurman
  • Distributor: 20th Century Fox
  • Runtime: 119 min.
  • Rating: PG
  • Year: 2010

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Comments

Rob Humanick on February 10, 2010, 05:34 PM

Christ this looked bad when I saw the preview. That shot of Uma is unbelievable. Anti-erection fodder, indeed.

argusmain on February 12, 2010, 05:16 PM

Dude, you get paid for this??? The Percy Jackson books were written years before the HP Books!! Wow, a child could do a better job then you!

Ed Gonzalez on February 12, 2010, 05:57 PM

Dear argusmain, you must be an anti-auteurist. Work with me here. Let's say James Cameron, director of Titanic, chose as his next project a movie adaptation of, say, Sister Carrie, published in 1899. Just because the movie adapts a book published before the actual sinking of the Titanic, doesn't mean that its visual vocabulary is bound to be disengaged from 100 year's worth of pop culture memories. Nick is reviewing the movie, directed by the man who made the first two Harry Potter movies, so obviously the studio was looking to jump start a copycat franchise. If they didn't, they could have hired Pedro Almodovar.

argusmain on February 15, 2010, 08:47 AM

You work with me, the first line of his review says " Happy Potter Knockoff ", no where does he acknowledge the story was written before the HP books. Personally, I thought the movie was lame, but I had 5 nieces and nephews with me and they loved it, since the movie was made with them in mind, an adult perception takes a back seat. My only issue with the review is the fact it's insinuated the story/movie was a copycat, I can only assume the writer had no idea which books came first, exposing a limitation in his abilities.

Rob Humanick on February 15, 2010, 03:14 PM

Nor does Nick explicitly say that Percy Jackson is a ripoff of Happy Potter (sic) the book. Since it's a movie review, unless stated otherwise, wouldn't one assume that any items of comparison in question would also be? (That his sentence ends with an explicit reference to Columbus's Potter films seals the deal.)

Lachim8 on March 6, 2010, 11:45 AM

Actually, the 1st Harry Potter book was released/copyrighted in 1997 and The Lightning Thief was released/copyrighted in 2005. So....I don't know what argusmain is talking about. The Potter book and movie clearly came years before the Percy Jackson series. Regardless, The Lightning Thief is still an enjoyable read and I thought the movie was lots of fun, as did my kids.

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