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It’s So Cereal: Flakes

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It’s So Cereal: Flakes

Flakes is great news for anyone you know who digs L7, but bad news if you don’t like your pseudo-indie comedy peppered with thin attempts at humor, a rather vague setting and Christopher Lloyd proving that, should Futurama ever make the leap to live-action, he would make the perfect Professor Farnsworth. Since the chances are zilch of that happening—thankfully—let’s get back to the painfully hip film at hand.

Neal Downs (Aaron Stanford) works at the titular café whose sign reads that it only sells cereal—tons of the stuff ranging from Count Chocula to out-of-production boxes from the 70s—to the point that Neal squeals with glee when his nerdy, eBay trolling supplier Bruce (Frank Wood) manages to sell a box of Freakies for $30. Then there’s Willie (Lloyd), the manager/“crazy old man in his pajamas” who speaks in cereal trivia for nearly twenty minutes before you lose track of what’s going on and think about how this must be an alternate future in which Doc Brown got tragically stuck.

Miss Pussy Katz (Zooey Deschanel) is Neal’s quirky, alterna-girlfriend who makes her own clothes and plans to become a legendary artist, but thinks her boyfriend is stuck in his dead-end job. And he is—incredibly comfortably, one might add. Of course, the drama comes when yuppie Stuart (Keir O’Donnell) comes in, attempts to seduce Neal into the world of franchises, and—upon being spurned by Neal’s self-righteous, anti-corporate nature—breaks ground on his own cleaner, better lit New Original Flakes store across the street.

This has been building up for nearly a half hour, all to (wait… wait for it—) present a satirical analogy for Starbucks™. This may not be surprising coming from director Michael Lehmann, who has dealt with social oddities in high school (Heathers) and even managed to show the world that people who are different sizes CAN get along, goddamn it (My Giant). Never mind that New Orleans provides the backdrop, a fact only brought up in two or three instances. Sure, you have your montage sequences taking place in the streets when Neal hands out fliers to promote a devious practical joke and earlier we find Miss P. Katz driving her over-sized tricycle through the French Quarter—but that’s it. Flakes could have been dropped anywhere with a recognizable skyline.

Writers Karey Kirkpatrick and Chris Poche throw some decent one-liners into the mix: when Pussy finishes moving into Neal’s apartment she states, “There. All shacked up like dirty Catholics in sin.” Kirkpatrick especially seems desperate to show people he can do more than write Charlotte’s Web, Over The Hedge and The Little Vampire, as when Neal mutters “It’s so VH1” while considering a commercialized Flakes—sadly, he’s doing so years after such remarks are relevant. Worse, they can be like a hammer: after an extravagant dinner-turned-disaster, Neal is left heaving in the streets because of “all that meat, and butter and shit.” Pussy mutters in that Deschanelian monotone, “That’s because all you eat is cereal. It’s not healthy. It’s not even food! Grow up, Neal! Grow up!”

Or don’t. Whatever, dude!

John Lichman is a freelance writer who contributes to The Reeler, Primetime A&E [print only] and anyone with cash. He works odd jobs to afford his vices, sleeps on couches and can drink Vadim Rizov under a table.

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Watch: The Long-Awaited Deadwood Movie Gets Teaser Trailer and Premiere Date

Welcome to fucking Deadwood!

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Deadwood
Photo: HBO

At long last, we’re finally going to see more of Deadwood. Very soon after the HBO series’s cancellation in 2006, creator David Milch announced that he agreed to produce a pair of two-hour films to tie up the loose ends left after the third season. It’s been a long road since, and after many false starts over the years, production on one standalone film started in fall 2018. And today we have a glorious teaser for the film, which releases on HBO on May 31. Below is the official description of the film:

The Deadwood film follows the indelible characters of the series, who are reunited after ten years to celebrate South Dakota’s statehood. Former rivalries are reignited, alliances are tested and old wounds are reopened, as all are left to navigate the inevitable changes that modernity and time have wrought.

And below is the teaser trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAcftIUE6MQ

Deadwood: The Movie airs on HBO on May 31.

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Watch: Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood Gets Teaser Trailer

When it rains, it pours.

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Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Photo: Columbia Pictures

When it rains, it pours. Four days after Quentin Tarantino once more laid into John Ford in a piece written for his Beverly Cinema website that saw the filmmaker referring to Ford’s She Wore a Yellow Ribbon as Tie a Yellow Ribbon, and two days after Columbia Pictures released poster art for QT’s ninth feature that wasn’t exactly of the highest order, the studio has released a teaser for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The film was announced early last year, with Tarantino describing it as “a story that takes place in Los Angeles in 1969, at the height of hippy Hollywood.”

Set on the eve of the Manson family murders, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood tells the story of TV actor Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his stunt double, Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), as they try to get involved in the film industry. The film also stars Margot Robbie (as Sharon Tate), Al Pacino, the late Luke Perry, Damian Lewis, Dakota Fanning, Emile Hirsch, Timothy Olyphant, Kurt Russell, and Bruce Dern in a part originally intended for the late Burt Reynolds.

See the teaser below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scf8nIJCvs4

Columbia Pictures will release Once Upon a Time in Hollywood on July 26.

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Watch the Stranger Things 3 Trailer, and to the Tune of Mötley Crüe and the Who

A wise woman once said that there’s no such thing as a coincidence.

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Stranger Things 3
Photo: Netflix

A wise woman once said that there’s no such thing as a coincidence. On Friday, Jeff Tremaine’s The Dirt, a biopic about Mötley Crüe’s rise to fame, drops on Netflix. Today, the streaming service has released the trailer for the third season of Stranger Things. The clip opens with the strains of Mötley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home,” all the better to underline that the peace and quiet that returned to the fictional rural town of Hawkins, Indiana at the end of the show’s second season is just waiting to be upset again.

Little is known about the plot of the new season, and the trailer keeps things pretty vague, though the Duffer Brothers have suggested that the storyline will take place a year after the events of the last season—duh, we know when “Home Sweet Home” came out—and focus on the main characters’ puberty pangs. That said, according to Reddit sleuths who’ve obsessed over such details as the nuances of the new season’s poster art, it looks like Max and company are going to have to contend with demon rats no doubt released from the Upside Down.

See below for the new season’s trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEG3bmU_WaI

Stranger Things 3 premieres globally on July 4.

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