Review: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

It’s only a matter of time before the woman with the penis for a nose ends up penetrating the woman with the hole in her trachea.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

For this sequel to 1999’s successful Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, a hastily contrived embarrassment at a North American seashore involving blind seniors, dolphins, and a duo of snickering kids forces Deuce Bigalow (Rob Schneider) to join his former pimp T.J. Hicks (Eddie Griffin) in Amsterdam where a mysterious killer is offing the city’s man-whores. When Hicks is caught with his hand inside a dead he-bitch’s pants, it’s up to Deuce to learn the identity of the murderer and deflate rumors that Hicks is gay. It’s all a ridiculous excuse to have Deuce butt heads with a string of European chicks afflicted with all sorts of inexplicable physical and psychological ailments. (Being that a friend of mine once fell into a canal in Amsterdam and was never the same afterward, the water might be to blame, but considering the unusual amount of jokes involving Europeans pissing and crapping on the streets of Amsterdam and locals getting bricked in the head for voicing pro-American sentiments, it could be that the war in Iraq has caused everyone’s DNA to mutate.) European Gigolo is more slapdash than its predecessor, and its jokes, albeit blue, are more borrowed than new: First thing Deuce sees in Amsterdam is Hicks’s pimped-out boat putting on a hydraulics show in a canal, surely a gag that must have reached it’s expiration date by the time Soul Plane rolled around. Given how fast and hard the jokes fly, it’s surprising to say that not every punchline has been telegraphed by the 83-minute production’s numerous TV spots, and though the film is stupid to the core, the means by which screenwriters David Garrett, Rob Schneider, and Jason Ward pander to the lowest common denominator is nothing short of resilient. It’s only a matter of time before the woman with the penis for a nose ends up penetrating the woman with the hole in her trachea, but considering how long it takes for contact to initiate, it’s strange to praise European Gigolo for at least understanding the meaning of restraint. The film may or may not die at the box office, but given the thriving market for stoner films to zonk out to from home, it’s at least guaranteed steady rotation on Comedy Central alongside Juwanna Man and Sorority Boys, where it’s bound to benefit from the repeat spins.

Score: 
 Cast: Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin, Edwin Alofs, Til Schewiger, Jean Reno  Director: Mike Bigelow  Screenwriter: David Garrett, Rob Schneider, Jason Ward  Distributor: Columbia Pictures  Running Time: 83 min  Rating: R  Year: 2005  Buy: Video

Ed Gonzalez

Ed Gonzalez is the co-founder of Slant Magazine. A member of the New York Film Critics Circle, his writing has appeared in The Village Voice, The Los Angeles Times, and other publications.

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