A hodgepodge of horny-old-man clichés writ large, staged as a gleeful affirmation of its male lead’s ego and entitlement.
The film settles into a time-honored groove of so many forgettable juvenile comedies before it.
Whereas a single, stinging one-liner would have sufficed Tourneur or Lang, Miller’s overcompensating flood of pulpy dialogue only renders his characters flat and sans empathy.
The films that Robert Rodriguez emulates here are known for similar unexpected narrative turns, but the crucial value that he misses is their actual cheapness.
It’s hard to exhibit anything other than pity toward Escape from Planet Earth.
An eyesore on the big screen, Valentine's Day is now close to one on your TV. Go read The Sound and the Fury instead.
You’d think that a horror story concerned with the unreliability of sight might at least try to generate scares via the use of visual trickery.