It’s running neck and pec between the broody Muppet movie and the one whose cast looks like they’ve been assaulted by Animal wielding a scummy powder puff and shouting “Make Up!” We’d secretly like to give the award to the latter, if only because it proves Mel Gibson can think of at least one civilization with more dirt under their fingernails than Jesus-era Jews. However, the only thing preventing Guillermo del Toro’s wooden fawns and floppy white dudes with eyes for palms from taking the Oscar is the possibility that some voters might think these creations owe at least some of their spell to the CGI magicians in the visual effects department. Of course, this confusion didn’t prevent Chronicles of Narnia’s real-boy fawn from winning last year. Tipping the scales further is the fact that the only previous winner in the category, Bill Corso (who helped Click become the recipient of this year’s “[stupid film’s title here] now has to be referred to as Oscar-nominee [stupid film’s title here]” running gag), snatched what was Gibson’s previous film The Passion of the Chrst’s best shot at an Oscar, sending Jesus home empty handed. If I were Mel, I’d start a whisper campaign pronto to remind voters that Pan’s Labyrinth also features bloody atrocity and sadistic, crypto-Catholic content in equal measure.
Click (#1–10 of 2)
Best Picture: “Babel,” “The Departed,” “Letters From Iwo Jima,” “Little Miss Sunshine,” “The Queen.”
Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, “Blood Diamond”; Ryan Gosling, “Half Nelson”; Peter O’Toole, “Venus”; Will Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”; Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland.”
Actress: Penélope Cruz, “Volver”; Judi Dench, “Notes on a Scandal”; Helen Mirren, “The Queen”; Meryl Streep, “The Devil Wears Prada”; Kate Winslet, “Little Children.”
Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, “Little Miss Sunshine”; Jackie Earle Haley, “Little Children”; Djimon Hounsou, “Blood Diamond”; Eddie Murphy, “Dreamgirls”; Mark Wahlberg, “The Departed.”