Earlier this week, MTV posted an oddly optimistic take on the underwhelming performance of Lady Gaga’s new album, Artpop, which, though it debuted at #1 with a respectable 258,000 copies, not only scanned 75% less than 2011’s Born This Way did in its first week, but posted smaller opening numbers than both Katy Perry’s Prism and Miley Cyrus’s Bangerz. Writing for MTV, which has little business reporting on music these days to begin with, Gil Kaufman rightly suggests that touring is where the real money is in 2013, but claims that Gaga is “a born performer with a killer stage show” and is “capable of selling out arenas across the globe.” It remains to be seen whether Gaga is the global touring juggernaut Kaufman and others claim: The Born This Way Ball did well in most markets, but tickets sold for half price in South America, and the then-26-year-old was forced to cash in her insurance policy in February and cancel the remaining 21 shows of the tour reportedly due to a hip injury.
In the MTV article, Billboard‘s Keith Kaulfield explained Artpop‘s disappointing start by proclaiming: “Some people are like Madonna, who is a live attraction, but is not really selling new music.” While Gaga’s fanbase is certainly fanatical, however, she hasn’t spent the last 30 years cultivating that base—and more importantly, producing consistently quality product. On Wednesday it was announced that Gaga will play the final shows at New York’s famed Roseland Ballroom, an iconic fixture of the city that first opened in 1919. The 3,500-capacity shows, scheduled for March 28, 30, 31, and April 2, are sure to sell out in minutes when they go on sale on Monday, and though the singer took to Twitter last night to announce that the full-scale tour will be “a RAVE of epic dance partying proportions with piano cabaret,” it’s unlikely she’ll be graduating to stadiums a la Madge or U2 anytime soon.
While the comparisons to Madonna that continue to hound Gaga are beginning to seem as unwarranted as ever, there’s no doubt that, for better or worse, Gaga’s performances are a true, uh, spectacle. So while you’re eagerly awaiting your $200 mezzanine tickets to go on sale, bask in this collection of GIFs of some of the singer’s most ridiculous stage moments:
Gaga twirls gracefully like a dreidel during a performance of the Born This Way Ball:
She kicked off her performance of her latest single, “Do What U Want,” on Saturday Night Live last week with an awkward gallop:
Gaga does a jig during the Born This Way Ball:
She attempts to strike a pose during a performance of “Judas” on The Ellen Degeneres Show in 2011:
The singer appears to be having a seizure during the Born This Way Ball:
Gaga—or is that Michelin Man?—dons some swimmies at the ArtRave:
She appears to be auditioning for a J-Horror film during this nightclub performance of “Venus”:
Gaga channels a hippie or an ape, maybe both, during “Venus” on The Graham Norton Show:
Mother Monster takes a tumble during the Monster Ball:
Gaga tosses her cookies on stage in Barcelona last year:
Watch the full video, because you can: