Previously and more dully known as The Station, Marvin Kren’s Blood Glacier begins with audience-goosing title cards about climate change and melting icecaps. It’s a gratuitously self-serious ignition button for a lame Thing knockoff that pits a bunch of research scientists in the German Alps against wildlife made rabid by a micro-organism that leaks out of a, yes, glacier soaked in blood. As the scientists try and wrap their minds around why the contaminant’s index case, a fox, would ever bite a dog, and sarcastically wonder if the surreptitious critter shares their public-relations ambitions, unfortunate parallels to a certain ubiquitous viral hit from Norway arise. The plot becomes increasingly overstuffed with the introduction of parallel threads involving one of the scientist’s ex, Taja (Edita Malovčić), who’s none too subtle about having aborted their child, and a Random Blonde seen running from a prehistoric-seeming bird whose razor-sharp tail takes out one of the guides for a bunch of elderly hikers in the region. Everyone’s hysteric paths cross at one of the scientific research stations, which gets an intermittent pummeling from freakazoid animals that suggest botched Rick Baker creations. And as it programmatically works its way toward the unexpected but doggedly stupid resolution to Janek (Gerhard Liebmann) and Taja’s personal travails, Blood Glacier straddles a very awkward line between creature feature, conspiracy thriller, and domestic drama, all without novelty or suspense. One caveat: As Ministerin Bodicek, actress Brigitte Kren mines a delicious bit of camp from this atonal pulp-o-matic when her absurdly fascist granny verbally assaults a travel companion with the demand that she “stop eating that banana while you’re crying!”
- IFC Midnight
- 93 min
- Marvin Kren
- Benjamin Hessler
- Gerhard Liebmann, Edita Malovčić, Santos, Hille Beseler, Peter Knaack, Felix Römer, Brigitte Kren, Wolfgang Pampel, Murathan Muslu
- Slant is reaching more readers than ever before, but advertising revenue across the Internet is falling fast, hitting independently owned and operated publications like ours the hardest. We’ve watched many of our fellow media sites fall by the way side in recent years, but we’re determined to stick around.
We’ve never asked our readers for financial support before, and we’re committed to keeping our content free and accessible—meaning no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what we do, however, please consider becoming a Slant patron.
You can also make a one-time donation via PayPal: