Surely you remember Grease, don’t you? It was that annoying pile of shit those annoying high school girls who liked My Little Ponies and who asked you for dates all the time used to fawn over and karaoke to. Surely the obligatory sequel to what has to be a top contender for the “worst ‘70s blockbuster” crown must carry some weight as a camp classic. Surely anyone’s hatred for the 1978 original should translate into begrudging relief that the 1982 update simply isn’t the first Grease. Unfortunately, it isn’t. The sequel to Grease is not much more than a remake, wherein every minute detail is nothing more than an attempt to pilfer the magic of the first film. This time, it’s the Pink Lady Stephanie (Michelle Pfeiffer) who plays it cool around the Aussie Michael (Maxwell Caufield), while head T-Bird Johnny (the so-not-a-greaser Adrian Zmed) wallows in self-pity for losing Stephanie’s love. Ostensibly there’s dramatic tension to be gleaned from this timeless storyline, but director Patricia Birch and screenwriter Ken Finkleman do their best to bulldoze over it with endlessly tiresome production numbers in bowling alleys, luaus, and talent shows. Hell, why bother writing character-developing situations when cheap archetypes and haphazard slapstick do the work for you? Perhaps sensing that Grease 2 wasn’t going to be sending the masses into the same sort of nostalgic tizzy the original did, someone made the decision to recruit camp queen Tab Hunter to play a sex-ed teacher and lead a rambunctious little horn-dog number called “Reproduction.” As far as ‘50s-styled cornball tributes to heavy-petting go, Grease 2 has got nothing on Prince’s “Jack U Off.”
Not that the effort was necessary, but Paramount pulled out the stops on the sound mix for this disc. A 5.1 Surround mix delivers dialogue that fondles every wretchedly underwritten line and kicks out the awful tunes like a jukebox from hell. They also provided a 2.0 mix in both English and French. The video transfer isn't as careful (halos galore!), but neither was Birch's framing, so it's as good as it needs to be.
The only value to be salvaged from this limp carbon copy is in how much of the formulaic worthlessness it exposes of the original Grease.