The House


Hater's Guide to the Oscars

1. "The 2014 Hater's Guide To The Oscars." It's time again to say horrible, awful things about every movie and actor nominated Sunday night.

"Dying? Check. An actor playing transgender? Check. A handful of sassy lines? DING DING DING YOUR RUNAWAY OSCAR WINNER. I love that voters were dazzled by the scene in which Leto dressed like a man. I bet he was so uncomfortable dressing up like a woman, but then he had to stop dressing like a woman and look even MORE uncomfortable! THAT YOUNG MAN HAS GRIT. I didn't think Leto was that much better than anyone else here, if he was better at all, but this is why the Oscars are dumb. Somehow, the media and the voters congeal their stupidity into one giant blob of groupthink that decides, 'It's Leto's time,' or that one actor is a RUNAWAY winner over another, as if dying of AIDS on screen made you Secretariat. Barkhad Abdi just spent two hours on screen playing the world's most desperate man. NOT A LOW-MOTOR ACTOR. But sorry Barkhad. Better luck next time JK there won't be a next time because we'll never hire you again the thrill is gone."

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TAGS: academy awards, barkhad abdi, before midnight, ben stiller, bitcoin, ellen chenoweth, ethan coen, f. murray abraham, garrett hedlund, generation x, her, inside llewyn davis, internal revenue service, jared leto, joaquin phoenix, joel coen, john goodman, kevin b. lee, mt. gox, orphan black, Patton Oswalt, r. kurt osenlund, reality bites, the secret life of walter mitty


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TAGS: dan callahan, entertainment weekly, gay marriage, ginger rogers, health care, internal revenue service, kickstarter, nobel prize, nymphomaniac, seamus heaney, the onion, the wicker man, uma thurman, uwe boll







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