//

The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

The worst posters of 2014 merely amplify the already contemptuous elements present in the films being advertised.

The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

If the best posters of 2014 constitute a vibrant harmony between marketing and product, the worst ones merely amplify the already contemptuous elements present in the films being advertised. Of course, this isn’t always so, as with The Immigrant, which is more a case of the Weinstein Company attempting to market the film as something it blatantly isn’t, but on the whole, these posters are dreadful teases for grievous fare.


Dishonorable Mention


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

Million Dollar Arm

For all we know, Jon Hamm is fondling himself through his pants in this deplorable poster for Million Dollar Arm, where a slobbering post-colonialist gaze stays masked behind a pair of designer sunglasses, while its personification looms larger than the Taj Mahal as it scours the land for exploitable talent.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

Pride

Apparently nothing says “gay pride” like a Photoshopped V-formation of old British fogies smiling and cackling in front of a brick wall, standing on a random gymnasium floor, with a poster promising a film that seems impossibly “inspirational” or “true” given this incoherent image. It’s just more pandering proof that American distributors (here CBS Films) think all audiences want from fare hailing from across the pond is manufactured pep.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

Ouija

Mike Judge’s Idiocracy promised that one day audiences would flock to a movie called Ass, where, for 90 minutes, a bare ass occupies the screen, farting on occasion to liven things up. About the same level of thought appears to have gone into this poster for Ouija, which promises merely the presence of the titular board game. More disturbingly, perhaps, is that the film spent two late October weekends atop the box office.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

10. Left Behind

Another V-formation, but in this one Nicolas Cage is wearing a pilot’s uniform and looks thoroughly confused, all while hell-fire blazes the cityscape behind him. Why are these people stranded on a stretch of highway? Shouldn’t they be sprinting, maybe ditching the unnecessary clothing to speed up their escape? Moreover, why wouldn’t they be watching the city burn, especially if they’re just going to stand there? Even the apocalypse needs to make some sense.

Advertisement


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

9. The Immigrant

Not only has this embarrassing poster for The Immigrant been airbrushed to hell, but the oddly shiny faces and confusing gold, satin sheets appear to be suffocating the floating heads for no apparent reason. Made worse is that the Weinstein Company insists upon including the Cannes stamp of approval, but absolutely refuses to make a poster that in any way speaks to the tortured spirit of James Gray’s impassioned revisionism. Instead, the poster works well as a parody of Oscar-bait marketing tics.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

8. Sex Tape

The premise of Jake Kasdan’s Sex Tape is deliberately sleazy, so naturally Sony’s marketing department decided to make a poster of equally lowbrow and problematic measures. Managing not only to slip in an iPad advert, but also integrate the “play” symbol into the poster’s title design, the entire concept here exploits cultural fears regarding privacy invasion, but reduces them to a sight gag premised on Cameron Diaz’s horrified reaction shot.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

7. The Homesman

In another case where distance and perspective are utilized to strange effect, this poster for The Homesman features Tommy Lee Jones creepily lurking right behind Hilary Swank, whose eyeline suggests she’s unaware of his presence. Jones appears to be going in for the kill or, at least, attempting to intimidate Swank, as if imparting his intent to an onlooker with whom he exchanges a knowing grin. In a film filled with gorgeous wide shots, this poster curiously opts for none of them, instead offering its stars as if lifelike portraits of themselves.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

6. Draft Day

If Ivan Reitman’s Draft Day functions as a feature-length advertisement for the NFL, then this poster services that advert in microcosm, with Kevin Costner’s rugged (you know, because of the slightly loosened tie) sports agent palming his pigskin while the league’s logo is featured prominently in the background. The greatest victories might not always happen on the field, but they certainly aren’t happening anywhere in this disgustingly transparent piece of cross-promotion.

Advertisement


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

5. Tammy

Fact: the original one-sheet for Ridley Scott’s Hannibal is the scariest poster ever made, such that many posters since, like those for Frailty and this year’s I, Frankenstein have tried to duplicate it. The design’s terror comes largely from seeing a face in shadow, usually that of a psychopath, masked by darkness and unable to discern the culprit’s desires or intent. So why, then, did Warner Bros. elect this very model for Tammy, with Melissa McCarthy’s half-smile and clearly airbrushed face creepily peeking out from the right side of the frame? Moreover, why is she holding her nametag rather than wearing it? Finally: Who the fuck is Tammy? Is she funny, weird, serious, kind, deranged? She’s all and none in this disastrous poster that says zero about Ben Falcone’s film and squanders any evocation of McCarthy’s star persona.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

4. The Judge

Another victim of “loose-tie” banality, this hokey poster for The Judge is symmetrical to a fault, offsetting Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall with a pair of flags and a bookshelf split straight down the middle. Each actor’s facial expression suggests mild constipation, while the tagline “defend your honor” sounds more appropriate for a Mortal Kombat adaptation than an apparently bone-dry drama of father-son remorse. A bad poster does not necessarily make for a bad movie (The Immigrant is a great example), but when the film’s concept can’t inspire more than a mugshots-style approach, it likely means the film to follow is just as dispirited.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

3. Exodus: Gods and Kings

This poster for Exodus: Gods and Kings makes it seem as though the film were taking a Sin City route to the bibilical epic, with flashes of color sparkling through an otherwise CGI-conceived, black-and-white palette. Since that’s not the case at all, what the hell was 20th Century Fox thinking when they decided to adorn A-list stars Christian Bale and Joel Edgerton in shiny pieces of gold while standing in front of an anonymous Egyptian pyramid? Ridley Scott may not have been willing to cast “Mohammed so-an-so from such-and-such” in his film, but this garish appropriation of Middle Eastern bling is an equally offensive gesture, stylizing a stereotypical sense of cultural significance for Western consumption.


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

2. Walk of Shame

Slut-shaming reaches new levels of offense in this horrific poster for Walk of Shame, which implies that professional women can’t also don a pair of heels and a skin-tight dress without it resulting in utter humiliation. Moreover, any poster that uses the word “epic” in a tagline for a film that doesn’t feature sword-and-sandal battles is immediately vaulted to the top of the “worst” heap. But add blatant misogyny disguised as good-natured ribbing, plus an unimaginative single-color backdrop and you’ve created one of the most despicable and expendable posters in recent memory.

Advertisement


The 10 Worst Movie Posters of 2014

1. The Expendables 3

As bad as many of these posters are, the number one slot easily goes to this all-time fail of a poster for The Expendables 3, which seems to imagine tales of gunfire and bloodshed as fodder for the ol’ gang to light cigars by. There are 16 faces Photoshopped into this abomination, all of them mugging with an approving smile, as if standing around a family-reunion barbeque, only with, you know, high-powered automatic rifles in tow. Apparently this franchise has gone so far off the rails that its entries are now marketed as Last Vegas-style romps, but with hundreds of lives lost in the process. No wonder audiences have grown steadily apathetic; if this poster is any indication, these actors and filmmakers have reached psychotic levels of self-worth, such that a sense of what First Blood or any of the canonical films from each of these respective twilight-years actors meant has been buried under a kitschy mountain of genre bastardization.

Clayton Dillard

Clayton Dillard is a lecturer in cinema at San Francisco State University.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.