Slant Magazine

"I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mister…Poopy Pants?" (Leslie Nielson as Lt. Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear)

"I don't want no white man looking at my Tampax!" (Jean Hill, Desperate Living)

"I'm erect. Why aren't you erect?" (Alan Rachins as Tony Moss, Showgirls)

"I like head cheese! It's good!" (Paul A. Partain as Franklin Hardesty, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

"Number 1, I don't remember how often I used to jerk off, but it was a lot. Number 2, I wasn't pissed off at my dad, even when I was old enough to know what he and mom were doing in the bedroom. Number 3, I don't look in the toilet before I flush it. Number 4, I haven't wet my bed for a long time. Number 5, why don't the two of you go fuck yourselves? I'm outta here." (Michael Douglas as Nick Curran, Basic Instinct)

"Don't get confused Tony. I don't fuck with the help." (Michelle Pfeiffer as Elvira, Scarface)

"Look, you are not a lesbian. He's not a lesbian. You went and called up my friend Peggy and told her I was a lesbian. Well, I got news for you: I wish I was a lesbian. Because if I were a lesbian, I wouldn't be having this problem with you. I wouldn't have had you in the first place." (Sylvia Miles as Sally Todd, Heat)

"You're a groovy boy. I'd like to strap you on some time." (Edy Williams as Ashley St. Ives, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls)

"I'll buy that for a dollar." (Various People, RoboCop)

"I remember your eyes—like pissholes in the snow." (Michael Caine as Cliff Brumby, Get Carter)

"Something bit me real bad." (Diane Nelson as Fat Woman, Mulholland Drive)

"I haven't felt this bad since I saw that Ronald Regan movie." (Marcy Goldman as Mrs. Geline, Airplane!)

"It's a clean telephone. Don't just think you can walk in here like that. Did you know that the germs can come through the wires? I never call and I never answer, it's a good way to get sick. Very, very sick. That's how I got so sick! Someone called me on the telephone!" (Catherine Gaffigan as Arlene, Sisters)

"Beth! Beth! If you're going into town can you pick me up something at the drugstore? Beth, come on, my husband is coming today and I need some lube…for my pussy." (Nina Hellman as Nancy, Wet Hot American Summer)

"If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my dad's cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb." (Jessica Campbell as Tammy Metzler, Election)

"Respect the cock...and tame the cunt. Tame it." (Tom Cruise as Frank T.J. Mackey, Magnolia)

"I'm Sylvia and my clitoris is in crisis." (Tracey Ullman as Sylvia Stickles, A Dirty Shame)

"Yes, yes, but first we must eat. Come. Good food, come." (Frank Oz as Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back)

"You can fuck me in the ass. You can cum on my face. Just keep it out of my hair. I just washed it." (Elisabeth Shue as Sera, Leaving Las Vegas)

"If you do this I will eat your face!" (John Lithgow as Bud Brumder, Orange County)

"He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a little while, and then, as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out. 'What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. If you tell anybody, I'm gonna kick your ass!' God. The only reason I let him keep up the charade is because the man's got a mouth like a hoover." (Joshua Jackson as Blaine Tuttle, Cruel Intentions)

"I sure was surprised the day Lisa Flanagan asked me for a ride home and ended up blowing me." (Chris Klein as Paul Metzler, Election)

"Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt." (Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?" (Talia Shire as Mrs. Silver, I Heart Huckabees)

"Yo, Weiner, you better get ready, 'cause at three o' clock today, I'm gonna rape you!" (Brendan Sexton III as Brandon McCarthy, Welcome of the Dollhouse)

"Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs." (Lizzy Caplan as Janas Ian, Mean Girls)

"Sorry, I never forget a face, especially when I've sat on it." (Kathleen Turner as China Blue, Crimes of Passion)

"There are certain social structures, Holly, that we have to adhere to that we don't." (Jackie Curtis, Women in Revolt)

"Jesus Christ." (Mara Hobel as Christina Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"We've got bush!" (Curtis Armstrong as Booger, Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds in Paradise)

"This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town is like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked." (Al Pacino as Tony Montana, Scarface)

"I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny." (Sarah Michelle Gellar as Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions)

"Metabolically, it's not my rhythm,(Judy Davis as Sally, Husbands and Wives)

"This is a giant cock." (Julianne Moore as Amber Waves, Boogie Nights)

"Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. I like to be alone when it goes in. To me, the cafeteria is like being with twenty girls all at once taking a dump." (Brittany Murphy as Daisy Randone, Girl, Interrupted)

"Earthquakes bring out the worst in people." (George Kennedy as Sgt. Lew Slade, Earthquake)

"I don't make nothin' out of horses, especially 'horse durves,' 'cause I don't know what they are, and neither do you." (Annie Joe Edwards as Venus, Bullets Over Broadway)

"I hate Illinois Nazis." (John Belushi as Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers)

"All you guys do is drink beer and hide!" (Dick Miller as Buck Gardner, Piranha)

"I have a part of you with me. You put your disease in me. It helps me. It makes me strong." (Isabella Rossellini as Dorothy Valens, Blue Velvet)

"We're very healthy here. There's a health food store right around the corner. I go down there every night to get some nuts. Do you ever try any nuts? I'm into ecology. Health foods and all that great stuff. Avocados. Artichokes. You should see the way I make artichokes. Olive oil. Salt. Pepper. Fabulous. They come out delicious. Wish you could come over one night…for some artichokes and avocados. I'll cook on my hot plate. I like all the health foods. You name it, I eat it." (Andrea Feldman as Jessica Todd, Heat)

"Having trouble son? Take it out and put it in her hand." (Burgess Meredith as Harry Greener, The Day of the Locust)

"Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where it ought to be!" (Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest)

"I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody…I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was. But not anymore. And the thing is, I don't care what people think about me…because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay." (Hilary Duff as Sam, A Cinderella Story)

"Whores and metaphors don't mix." (Anthony Perkins as Rev. Peter Shayne, Crimes of Passion)