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Interview: Margaret Cho Talks Notorious C.H.O.

Having escorted her fair share of men through the Gay Underground Railroad, she’s a trailblazer who always comes out on top.

Interview: Margaret Cho Talks Notorious C.H.O.

The only seat left on the bus was wet from the dirty water dripping from the air conditioner above. It was either get my butt wet or arrive late for my interview with Margaret Cho. So I weighed my options. I chose the seat because I knew Cho would like the fact that I got my butt humid for her. I darted through the lobby of some shi-shi Park Ave hotel and up the elevator to the suite where Cho and her publicist were patiently waiting. I explained why my butt was moist and Cho laughed, though certainly not as wickedly as I expected. I apologized and she invited me to sit down. It was early in the day so I knew I had to prove myself. Cho’s latest comedic tour, Notorious C.H.O., arrives in select theaters on July 3rd. The fabulously embittered fag hag calls the only gay bar in Scotland (named C.C. Bloom, after Bette Midler’s Beaches character) “the gayest thing ever”; she says it should have been called “Fuck Me In The Ass” right before segueing straight into tales about her anus and G-Spot. She pokes her way through every orifice in the body; she emerges weary and bloodied, taking aim at our discomfort with our bodies. Aside from moist butts, I spoke with Cho about Eminem, her visit to Sesame Street, her new movie and the joy of touring (she likens her shows to “Cinderella’s Ball,” insisting that gay men don’t come to see her but to meet other Prince Charmings). All the while, it’s clear that Cho’s talent provides more than just comic relief (or the opportunity for an easy hook-up). Having escorted her fair share of men through the Gay Underground Railroad, she’s a trailblazer who always comes out on top.

I have two lists of questions. Which do you want: the clean version or the explicit version?

Whichever one you like!

Notorious C.H.O. is very different from I’m the One That I Want. Can you talk about the changes in your life since the last show and what prompted you to get so naughty?

I think I turned from a drug addict to a sex addict. [laughs] All I knew for a while was sex, drugs and alcohol, and then it was all about sex for awhile. And now everything’s regulated and normal and easy so it’s a good time to reflect on all the crazy stuff.

I read on the web that you taught Sunday school for two years.

Yes.

What was that like and why were you fired?

I actually ended up quitting because it was too hard to get up with a hangover on Sunday morning—or too hard to go straight from the clubs to Sunday school. [laughs] I love children so I think that was what kept me really wanting to go. We’d learn songs or we’d do coloring—I love coloring, I stay in the lines and I’m really good. So it was just like being one of the kids.

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Is everything—anthrax, Catholic priests, your mother, yeast infections—open territory, or do you try to set some kind of limits?

Well, I don’t know. See, I haven’t had any experience with Catholic priests so I couldn’t speak to that. And then yeast infections are just not funny to me. [laughs] If you’ve had one you know they are no laughing matter. But everything else is definitely hilarious and easy to talk about.

Do you ever ask your mother’s permission to say something about her on stage?

No.

So she knows that if she opens her mouth it could get in the show?

[laughs] She knows. She never says, “Don’t put this in.” She’s very into it. Sometimes she actually stands in the bathroom and thanks people for coming. She’s been known to stand in the lobby and just kind of greet people when they come in and say “Thank you for supporting my daughter.” My dad does it too. They just sit there and talk to people.

What would you say is the truth-to-fiction ratio of your shows?

It’s 100% true. I mean, there’s no fiction there at all. If anything, I temper the truth with humor because there is so much real insanity going on in the way that I live my life sometimes [that] I’m almost embarrassed to talk about it. But then it makes for good writing too. But, yeah, it is definitely all true.

You open your latest show with a very funny dedication to the rescue workers at the World Trade Center disaster site. Can you talk a little bit about humor after 9/11?

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It’s hard because nobody wanted to approach you. Everyone felt so incredibly small after what happened. What 9/11 really did was make us all feel as if nothing really mattered, you know, none of us really mattered. We were all kind of working toward this greater purpose. Humor seemed incredibly inappropriate. And I was really worried about going right back to work. I almost [cancelled] my show and then I went to see Madonna on [September] 13th and it was her first night back [after 9/11]. She came out and was wearing the American flag kilt and people were so elated because everybody was scared and we really needed a celebrity like that to sort of acknowledge what happened and say everything was gonna be okay. And she was really phenomenal. She called for a moment of silence, which, of course, with 20,000 gay men nobody’s gonna be silent. [laughs] But it was a nice attempt and she was gracious and beautiful and made part of her show a benefit for children who had been orphaned and that was such a great gesture. So I realized, “Well, at least I can go back and make part of my show a benefit show for firefighters and do something for the war effort.” And then I felt like “Oh, I’m like Bette Midler in For the Boys!” And then I felt like it was a travelling USO show after that.

What are your thoughts on Lil’ Kim and representations of female sexuality in the media like, say, the Miss America pageant?

Well, I think Lil’ Kim is great because Lil’ Kim is all about her sexuality and her individuality within that identification of sex. She’s very powerful and she’s just a great fashion icon. I love her and my show is, in a sense, sort of tribute to her outrageousness. And then Miss America—see, you’re judging all of these women against each other for comparison to an ideal so I think that that is wrong. It’s about the non-expression of identity—it’s the opposite of what Lil’ Kim is and I think that that’s completely offensive—that there are secret criteria that the Miss Americas are judged by. It’s really this thin competition and this pretty competition and it’s, in a sense, very un-American because it’s really about suppressing what makes you unique. So it’s ironic that it’s called Miss America.

Any favorite Lil’ Kim songs?

“How Many Licks.” That’s a toe-tapper!

Would you ever invite Eminem to one of your shows?

I think Eminem is very interesting because I think that he’s talented. I like what he sounds like and I like his anger and I enjoy that he’s so controversial and so ominous. And yet, I think a lot of what he says about gay men and the gay community is offensive. You know, he’s doing it in order to get people angry and he’s doing it with a sense of humor and a kind of tongue-in-cheek attitude—like, “I don’t really mean this but I’m saying it.” But then his fanbase takes him very serious, like gospel. So what he’s doing is he’s creating this generation of incredibly homophobic young men which is really dangerous. So I think that he is, in so many ways, very dangerous to the community and yet I believe in his right to free speech. He’s doing this great disservice to us but he has the right to say what he’s saying. But we, at the same time, also have the right to tell him to fuck off. I think it’s really harmful.

Do you think you have any straight male fans?

Yeah, totally. Straight men at my shows are the greatest because they have a really good sense of humor. They’re really cool about listening to me talk about them and being around so many gay men and so many different types of people.

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What do you think your humor has come to represent for the Asian and gay communities?

Well, I just think it’s about talking about our lives in a way that’s about us and for us as opposed to creating something for mainstream culture. It’s organic to our culture as opposed to something that’s kind of put out there for our benefit.

Can you talk about some of the charity work you have done?

It takes different forms. Different AIDS organizations, different things like the Victory Fund which is really important in pushing GLBT issues in politics. There’s youth groups that I go to talk to in very remote areas where I perform and I sit down and have a dialogue with [the kids]. And these kids are really great because they’re just coming out—sometimes in very hostile environments—and they need the support of somebody that they really admire. So it’s exciting to go there and feel like a missionary or something. It’s really important work that’s not really about performance per se; it’s just about making people feel better.

What did you think when Rosie O’Donnell finally came out of the closet to the public?

I was really excited for her because there are millions and millions of housewives who literally had no idea. And what was great about her is that she really let people get to know her. Of course there’s amongst us people that always knew. But there’s this community of people that were basically her fanbase, who are mostly women who probably are on the fence of how they feel about homosexuality that are in a way kind of harboring this homophobia out of their own morality and religious beliefs. So they were really drawn in and got to know her before any of that came to their attention. They had to regard her as a friend first before they regarded their own homophobic views and I think in coming out when she did did a lot for the way [those kinds of] people view homosexuals.

Speaking of lesbians, there’s a lot of talk in the show about cunnilingus.

Yes. There’s a lot of chatter. [laughs]

Can you talk about that?

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I don’t like it. [laughs] I just don’t think it’s good.

Why not?

It’s boring. I mean, there’s nothing in it for me. [laughs] I don’t know. I mean, it’s fun to talk about sex in any form and that’s just an aspect of my sexuality that I tend to flaunt—my, um, “non-preferential” ideas about sex in that way.

In your show, you talk about how your friendship with gay men has shaped the way you view your sexuality. It’s clearly a very genuine affection but have you ever been criticized for playing the “fag hag” card?

It’s funny. I love to play the fag hag card. I don’t think it gets played enough and I think it’s silly. Who cares?

Just how easy was it for you to take that guest role on Sex and the City?

Oh, it was so easy. It’s such a great show. And I love Michael Patrick King, who is the writer and producer of it. He’s a genius and it was such an honor to be on.

In your show you talk about how the C.C. Bloome bar is the gayest thing ever. Now, when you do something like Sex and the City do you think that Margaret Cho on Sex and the City is the gayest thing ever?

Yeah, that’s true. That’s the most gay. It’s so gay it’s almost straight.

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Have you had any offers to do any another television series and is that something that you’d consider doing again, knowing what you know now?

Yeah, I would. There are television shows that I really love out there. I have been offered a lot of parts in lots of things but I just don’t think that they’re good. There’s so much stuff that’s happening that’s not funny or not interesting and so I just don’t think it’s worth my time. I’m more interested in writing my own films and doing my own shows and touring. I find that very satisfying.

Any new films?

Well, I’ve written a film which I would like to do next and so that’s kind of gonna be in the works after I finish promoting [Notorious C.H.O.]. I don’t know how that will be—it’s a different type of thing.

The night I set this interview up I had a dream that you were chasing me down a hallway. You were kind of walking like Madonna does in her “Justify My Love” video. If you could follow someone down a hallway, who would it be? And, more importantly, what would you do to them if you caught up to them?

Well, I probably would be chasing Madonna in that video trying to find out what she has in that suitcase! You know, she can’t carry it. ‘Cause she’s walking down the hall and she’s all like excited and she then has to stop and she’s got that big suitcase and I’m like “What’s in there?”

If you could be canonized in plastic, what name would you give your doll? And more importantly, would she go out with Barbie, Ken or Billy?

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[laughs] I think I would be Carbie and I would be the fat Barbie and only ate carbs and I’d come with a bagel and a dream bakery. [laughs] Carbie! She’d go out with Barbie when Barbie would binge. [laughs] Carbie would take Barbie and Skipper to Krispy Kreme Donuts and then they would eat and have a good time. And then Barbie would probably barf afterwards.

Do you think the doll would sell?

Well, I don’t know. I don’t know if people would like Carbie. I think people would buy Carbie and then probably not pay attention to [her]. I think that Carbie wouldn’t have such a happy life. But Carbie herself would be happy—all the seratonin that’s released by carbs really would help her out.

What does the term “gay icon” mean to you and is it everything you dreamed it would be?

[laughs] I think it means a lot of things. I think with that title comes a lot of responsibility. You have to be fabulous and be current but at the same time be politically-minded and be astute about what you’re talking about and what you mean. And it’s about having great fashion sense—which I don’t always do but I try—and about being a friend to the community. It is everything I dreamed it would be. It’s better, I guess. I think I’ve always been a gay icon, ever since drama club in high school. So it feels good.

What are your thoughts on gay men who want to sleep with their gay icons or does everyone just want to sleep with Madonna?

Well, everybody wants to sleep with Madonna because Madonna is Madonna! I think that she’s so about style and sexuality in a very elegant, stylized way. She’s just so perfect.

Another hugely popular gay icon is Big Bird.

I love big bird! Big bird is hot!

Was it surreal coming face to face with him?

It’s weird because he talks from his chest because it’s actually a man inside. And I couldn’t believe there was a man inside so I kept looking up at his face when he was talking. It’s some old hippie dude with a total Prince Valiant haircut and he’s been Big Bird for like 30 years. It’s really cool and he talks when he’s out of his suit and he sounds just like Bird Bird.

On a scale from one-to-10, how gay was this interview in relation to others you have done?

Um, I think this was about a six. This was sort of gay [laughs] but not that gay. It was pretty gay.

How could I have made it more gay?

Um, I don’t know. Maybe one more question about Madonna would have put you to a seven. But you have to know that some of these interviewers are so gay when they come in. [laughs] It’s like Wayland Flowers and Madame!

Ed Gonzalez

Ed Gonzalez is the co-founder of Slant Magazine. A member of the New York Film Critics Circle, his writing has appeared in The Village Voice, The Los Angeles Times, and other publications.

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