Just days away from the Academy Awards, Alexa Camp offers a second opinion on A Beautiful Mind and responds to Slant Magazine's controversial review.

Being a part of Slant Magazine is difficult, especially for a gal like myself. Yes, I liked Glitter and yes, I love Kylie's new album. I'll be the first to admit it: I survive day to day on guilty pleasures. But I also know a damn fine movie when I see one. Which is why when Slant's film editor, Ed Gonzalez, asked me to publicly respond to the countless hate-emails he's received regarding his controversial review of A Beautiful Mind, I had to decline. For instance, "Judy Davis" wrote in to say: "Beautiful Mind was a great movie experience and I think you should find a new line of work." I was like, "Oh my god, I'm so excited, Judy Davis just emailed us! I'm gonna piss myself!" And then there was one from "Terri Gaar": "Ed, What can I say....but your review missed it. Thanks for playing. Bye bye." I was like, "Oh my god, I'm so excited, Teri Garr just emailed us. I'm gonna pee again!" But then I realized the real Teri Garr would never use so many ellipses.

But I digress. Some guy named George wrote: "Are you sure you went to see the right movie? Gee, wonder why it made $100 mil already? In this college-sex-farce—blow-up-everything—space saga—cynically-laugh-at-every-real-human-emotion culture that Americans seem to thrive on, it's a real challenge to understand and appreciate a film of this depth and character. Get a life, Ed." I just have to agree with this guy. Here are some other movies that made over $100 million last year: Rush Hour 2, The Mummy Returns, American Pie 2, Pearl Harbor, Dr. Doolittle 2 and The Fast & The Furious. All great films. My only gripe with A Beautiful Mind was that we didn't get enough of that adorable little girl! She has got to be the cutest thing since Shirley Temple (speaking of which, I just received my Shirley Temple Video Collection—you know, the one advertised on Nick-At-Nite that brings back Hollywood's biggest little star and her army of antebellum butlers?). But the rest of A Beautiful Mind was flawless. Let's go point by point:

1. Ed attacks the movie's "egregious abuse of numerical signifiers." I have no idea what egregious means but everyone knows that when you're a crazy super-genius you hear whispers panning back and forth between your ears and you see numbers in Times New Roman floating through the room. Ed is just bitter because Slant has an embargo on the popular font.

2. Ed calls it "an easy-to-digest Lifetime movie of the week." Lifetime, Television For Women Who Like To See Films Featuring Meredith Baxter and Joanna Kerns Struggle With Evil Men, is easy to digest? And what about the groundbreaking sitcom "The Golden Girls"? One little ball-bustin' Italian, one bosomy Southern belle and one silver-headed lesbian on primetime in the 80s? It's like Destiny's Child, only they're not young and black and there's that retarded lady from Lake Placid. How can Ed say that Lifetime doesn't tackle tough issues?

3. Then he claims that "the danger of Howard and Goldsman's bio-flick is that it sacrifices authenticity." Please, Ed. Who wants to see a divorced, anti-Semitic, spaceman-lovin', latent homosexual overcome a bout with the crazies? That's not entertainment! And don't give me that Another-Hispanic-actress-was-denied-a-job horse shit. If I want to hear Spanish I'll watch "La Guerra de las Rosas" on Telemundo.

4. "It becomes particularly difficult to gauge Crowe's performance when his romantic gaze becomes less loving and more like a stifled need to chew or spit on Connelly's naked back." If I were Jennifer Connelly I'd want Russell Crowe to do more than chew and spit on my back. Sure, he's a cocky, violent, womanizing creep and he's admittedly got a flabby ass but that's what American women like. Don't we?

A Beautiful Mind taught me that you don't have to take your medication. That all you need is love. That you can walk through life and just ignore those pesky voices. Hell, I do it every day. It taught me that something extraordinary is possible and that no one ever really wins.unless you're John Nash, in which case you win the Noble Prize for picking Jan over Marcia. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go tend to the little Polish girls who live on the other side of my bedroom wall. CzeϾ!

Alexa Camp
© slant magazine, 2002.

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